Many families with multiple children, especially if they are young, often experience jealousy among their children. Siblings frequently quarrel continuously, and childhood jealousy is a common phenomenon. Childhood jealousy is defined as the negative feeling a child experiences when they perceive a lack of love and attention from their parents, especially their mother. Therefore, they attempt to seek attention in any way possible, and a child may become jealous of their sibling, even their father, or strangers who receive attention from their mother.
Numerous studies have been conducted on childhood jealousy. Experts have explored jealousy within the context of the triangular relationships between individuals, consisting of the individual, the beloved one, and the third party who poses a threat to the individual’s relationship with the beloved. Jealousy manifests in various emotions such as sadness, fear, or anger. Experts have found that when parents direct their attention toward a third party, children can exhibit behaviors like anger, aggression, and crying, as well as adaptive coping mechanisms.
Jealousy among children is entirely normal. Children who argue with each other during their early years typically develop closer relationships as they grow older. Additionally, sibling jealousy and increased competition between them help prepare them to face the world.
Causes of jealousy among children:
Feeling like the center of the universe: Children often feel that they are the focal point of their family’s attention and expect to be loved and cared for at all times.
Decreased parental attention: Children begin to feel jealous when their parents pay less attention to them, spending a significant amount of time caring for their younger sibling without realizing the child’s need for attention.
Difficulty expressing feelings: Children may have difficulty expressing their love for their parents, especially if their parents have not taught them how to express their emotions. Consequently, childhood jealousy becomes one of the ways they express their feelings.
Child’s anxiety: A child’s susceptibility to anxiety and increased sensitivity to minor things are factors that can intensify feelings of jealousy.
Child’s sense of helplessness: Some children constantly feel the need for their parents and their inability to meet their needs independently, which can lead to increased jealousy. Jealousy is often more pronounced in families with minimal age gaps between siblings, where children may hug each other while watching TV and then argue with each other within minutes. In contrast, jealousy tends to diminish in families with larger age differences among siblings. In such families, older children are accustomed to taking care of their younger siblings.”
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Types of Jealousy in Children
Children may become jealous of each other or even one of their parents, and there are several types of jealousy in children, including the following:
Jealousy of one of the parents: Many children may become jealous of their mother’s attention toward their father, and sometimes, the reverse may happen. The mother is considered one of the most important figures in a child’s life, and any shift in her attention towards someone else can trigger jealousy in the child.
Sibling jealousy: Children receive care and attention from their parents since birth and are the focal point of the family’s attention. However, a portion of this attention may shift to the younger sibling, leading to changes in the child’s behavior. Jealousy may manifest through aggressive behavior, bouts of anger and stubbornness, mood swings, and even depression in some cases.
Jealousy against adults or other children: Some children may experience jealousy due to their parents’ divorce or the introduction of new individuals into the family, such as a new step-parent. The older the children, the harder it may be for them to adapt to their mother’s new partner or new siblings. The degree of jealousy varies from one child to another. Children may also feel jealous of neighbors’ children or their peers at school.
Jealousy Among Children with the Birth of a New Sibling
Mothers should prepare their child for the arrival of a new brother or sister during pregnancy to avoid jealousy when the new child arrives. Some mothers inform their child that they will play with their new sibling. However, upon the new child’s birth, the older sibling might be surprised that they cannot play as much since the mother’s time and attention are occupied. Mothers should be cautious when the older sibling approaches the new baby, fearing that they may throw toys or behave inappropriately. Some tips can help mothers address excessive jealousy in children and foster love for the new baby:
- Informing the child about the upcoming birth: Mothers are advised to explain to their child that they have a new sibling on the way. They can read stories about the arrival of a new child and let the child feel the baby’s kicks at night. Additionally, mothers should explain to their child the procedures that will occur when the new baby is born, such as the father taking the child to play in the nursery. Mothers should reassure their child repeatedly that they love them and their love remains constant.
- Teaching the child to play and interact with the new baby: It is essential to teach the child how to interact with the new baby to protect the infant and promote love between siblings. The child can be taught to gently pat their sibling’s back to soothe them. Praise should be given when the child displays affectionate behavior. However, if the child tries to harm their younger sibling, indirect intervention is necessary. The child can be distracted with a toy or song to prevent aggressive behavior.
- Continuous praise: Mothers should praise their child regularly, especially if they see the child touching their new sibling gently. However, mothers should avoid blaming the child for their actions, such as waking up the new baby during playtime.
- Expressing love towards the child: Mothers are encouraged to increase displays of affection toward their child, such as hugging them and expressing their love.
- Spending more time with the older child: Mothers should spend more time with the older child, engage in playtime, and even show them old pictures when they were a baby to help them adjust to the new addition to the family.
Source: Types and Causes of Jealousy in Children | AlTibbi (altibbi.com)”